Learning to recognize the signs of flirtation is rather extraordinary, not because my daily life is much different (though it is – people keep offering unexpected favors), but rather because I can look back at the past and see various incidents in a new way.
For instance, it occurred to me to wonder why, as an adolescent, I was so frequently shoved into bodies of water. It happened often enough that I always had a change of clothes in my car trunk (along with a case of brake fluid; I was nothing if not prepared).
I asked Byron if that sort of behavior counted as flirtation, and he shook his head in exasperation before replying in the affirmative. I confirmed the concept by asking Iain (to give the hypothesis a more global test), who also agreed that such things are routine.
I do not particularly understand why pushing people into a lake, ocean, or hot tub is a sound mating ritual (except insofar as it is a shortcut to nudity) but… whatever.
Reliable sources tell me that many boys flirt just by moping in my vicinity; that is clearly something that I would never pay attention to as such behavior is not entertaining. Byron would be the prime example, as he mostly just played the guitar and stared at the wall, dreaming that I would be his life partner without mentioning it. For years. But there are many other incidents that do not fit that description.
One recent encounter: I was wandering around and ran into a friend. He said You look hot today.
I said replied It is unseasonably warm.
He laughed and said That wasn’t what I meant.
I stared quizzically and moved along to my next thought, which was likely something along the lines of Is that the church with the William Morris painting in it?
The argument that my lack of flirtatiousness derives from pure stupidity is growing on me.
There are too many examples in my stories.
I asked Byron if the girl who cornered me in the bathroom of the Spar years ago had motives that were not entirely platonic.
He finds these discussions tedious. He pointed out that the girl was so explicit we were ejected from the bar because of her antics. That encounter was rather routine and the preface of a predictable scandal. Back then intimacy was about autonomy, which makes sense, and revenge, which isn’t very noble.
Why didn’t I acknowledge the truth? Because she was dating the person I was trying to divorce, and I did not want to question or understand her motives. The easiest solution was pretending it was all a misunderstanding.
Unfortunately I was a reckless and troubled girl: risk and danger were just about the only things that caught my attention.
That description is no longer accurate. I have grown so light-hearted I am almost dizzy.