The other day one of the very few people I talk to in this peculiar town asked how I was. Given that we’re in the middle of a heat wave I replied I’m too hot!
He laughed and retorted We all know that!
Uh-oh. Double entendre alert! I’m really not qualified to engage in that kind of banter. But the event reminded me of something that might be a relief for those of you who do not wish to hear more harrowing death stories. In the midst of all of my worries about faraway friends and family, immigration issues, and tricky work problems, guess what happened? Something creepy and awful: a local person hit on me.
Now you might think this is a normal occurrence, but it really is not – or at least before Ana Erotica put me through flirting lessons, I never noticed, wherever I was in the world. Once I started to notice elsewhere I was still protected here because I don’t understand the British. And the few times something questionable happened everyone was drunk – it was easy enough to laugh off an awkward half-stated pickup in that context.
This time dude was sober, though he did make a valiant effort to corral me into a pub. I was really hoping that my sterling anti-social-anti-scandal shield would hold since I’ve never been available, regardless of any other factor. Partnered, single, on the make – nobody has ever had permission to hit on me.
In fact, I should have a big neon sign over my head that reads Don’t even fucking try, Buster!
Why, oh why did I have to abandon my former obtuse ways? Life was so much easier when I was profoundly stupid about mating rituals! But I digress.
While normal people might have skills for these things, I clearly do not. Unless laughing like a loon and literally running away counts. I guess that might be interpreted as “no” but suspect it might translate as an encouraging sign, depending on the degree of lecherous intent felt by the other party. Ugh!
My strategy: avoid seeing the person ever again. Complicated given the fact that I encounter every single person I know more than once in the course of a day…. this is in fact a very small town.
Making a huge swath of the city a no-go zone will complicate my bike rides in an extraordinary fashion.