Stella has a great card with the caption If you want to know how he’ll treat you, ask what he thinks of his mother. I think it would be safe to extend the concept to friendship; if you want to know whether a new person is a good prospect or a potential catastrophe, they will usually tell you all that you need to know within five minutes.
I have a marked love of disorderly behavior and impulsive, charming people, but if someone tells endless stories about treachery and deceit, I pay attention. A stated history of failed friendships, matched with a conviction that other people are at fault — when I hear these stories I know that no matter how much I enjoy the person, they will eventually grow to hate me.
This does not worry me or change my behavior; I just enjoy the person until the inevitable break. I can’t be tempted into a fight, not even to defend my own reputation. I shrug and move on.
This has only happened twice in the last five years, because it does not mesh with my own pathologies. I am well aware that I am often silent and withdrawn, happiest either alone or performing. It can take years of acquaintance before I feel even remotely capable of real conversation, no matter how much I like the person.
This means that I am perceived to be prickly, standoffish, or any of the assortment of gender based insults. But I am also very loyal, and have several deeply meaningful friendships that have spanned decades and all manner of chaos.
If someone has reached their late thirties without ever maintaining a close friendship for more than a year, it would seem to be a pattern. Certainly nothing to pass judgment on, or even change. Just something to notice.