believe

My daughter has been mysteriously sick for awhile, and a series of tests have ruled out the easy answers. I will not discuss the details publicly because she deserves to have a private life. But this situation is very difficult for all of us, and the fact that I am a skilled advocate makes very little difference when she is in pain.

I do not allow myself the indulgence of denial. There is no point avoiding despair; but there is no justification for letting sadness drown out everything else.

My children need to believe that everything will be fine. I need to believe that too.

I’m not going to write about illness and fear.

Instead I will play records at top volume, go for long bicycle rides across open fields, sit on the banks of the river, read a novel, and love my family with fierce devotion.

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